


It's Fucking Cold

by rabbitjesus



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Human Squip (Be More Chill), Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 00:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitjesus/pseuds/rabbitjesus
Summary: In this story, Jeremy is sad in the snow as I throw my experience with emotional flashbacks at him. This is part way into the story where Squip is actually learning to be a Good Person TM.This is a fragment of an ongoing AU a friend and I made. Basically, Squip becomes human, and they, Jeremy, and all the other friends are forced to deal with their issues. Squip has to learn to bother become a person and move past their programming, and Jeremy has to work past his mental health and rebuild relationships with his friends. The au mainly focuses on them. Is this AU mostly venting and projection? Yes. Do I care? No.





	It's Fucking Cold

It was fucking freezing outside, but it's not like he cared. At least it felt better than going back to school. Whoever said high school is the best time of your life should be dragged through the woods and shot.

  
His therapist said he can't keep skipping school, and he knows his friends care about him and want to see him. It's just ... hard. Jake just barely got out of his cast a month ago and can't be the senior sports star he wants to be. Jenna locks herself up and still hates being open with anyone. Michael still has trouble looking him in the eye when they pass each other in the hall. Christine is still his best friend but ... they both know what he did to everyone to date her for what, 3 months?

  
He knows it isn't his fault, he's been told it enough, but now the popular kids are dragged down to his level while everyone in school still acts like he doesn't exist. Junior year was just a fluke, and he's still the freak with anxiety. He loves his friends, they love him, he just ... hates winter and fall.

  
His therapist said anniversaries makes dealing with trauma harder, and winter was never good for him. Now he has a play to avoid, friends who have forgiven him for being abused into shitty actions, snow freezing him like when he had to walk home from the party last Halloween, and a stupid lanky asshole walking around reminding him every day of how he hurt the people closest to him.

  
Jeremy just ... wants a break. School is hell, he has so many papers, Michael and his friends are basically a wrongly timed sneeze away from calling the police on his now-human two year old pager, and said pager still barely acts like they're human!! Who cares if he cuts one day of class, maybe sitting in the snow will at least stop him from staring at a wall for so long he forgets to eat for a day. Maybe the snow can cut through the static that fills his head. The static that reminds him he's _still slouching, dammit. It makes you look like a creeper, which you are, Jeremy. You're friends will realize you aren't worth the trouble of what you did for them if you keep doing this pathetic shit. You can't do this if you want to be respected you worthless, disgusting, selfish br-_

  
"Jeremy. You're supposed to be in school." Jeremy jumped. He didn't realize how long he had sat there until he saw a near inch of snow fell off of his head just from moving a bit.

  
"What do _you_ want?" He bit out. Maybe it's a bit rude since Squip is trying to get better, but it isn't like they didn't have a huge part in Jeremy's therapy sessions.

  
They just stood there for a moment. Probably didn't want to get their shoes all muddy, because oh, the snow is too cold, the ground is so nasty. I have to look perfect. _Jeremy, you're throwing your life away. You can't even go a full day of school without running outside and wallowing in the snow?_

  
His thoughts were cut off when a snowball was thrown at his head. "To make sure you aren't falling apart." Squip took a few steps closer. Their face was either entirely emotionless, or showed every single thought on their mind. Right now, it was the former. At least it wasn't their freaky, murder smile.

  
"You're about 17 years too late for that." Jeremy fell back in the snow, not caring how wet his clothes got. He couldn't feel how cold it was because he was already numb. Besides, what's a little more snow in the face?

  
He couldn't see what Squip was doing, but he heard shuffling. "No time like now. Whatever it is you said." When they didn't get a response to their attempted inspiration, they said, "it do not have to be like that, sometimes."

  
At least now they got a huff. eremy admitted he was still breathing. "Squip I just ... can't do this shit." His voice cracked. He could say more, but he didn't want to open up to the computer he tried to push his every problem onto. Besides, with the crushing pain he felt in his throat, he knew he would cry if he said more. Now that would be humiliating.

  
There was silence. He knew Squip hadn't moved, but he hoped they would just go away. He just wanted to lay there until he decomposed, and maybe they would find his body in the spring when he reincarnated as a tree. At least then he couldn't betray everyone he ever cared about. The snow looked less chaotic than his thoughts, and it was beginning to look like a blizzard.

  
His phone was buzzing. He wasn't in view of the school, but they knew he was skipping class ... again. Squip could even hear the noise over the wind and Jeremy's screaming thoughts of agony.

  
"What if it's Michael?" They offered.

  
"Like I deserve to talk to him." His face kept being buried in snow, so he just covered it with his hands. Who cares, he will barely pass school, go nowhere in life, and lose everything when he inevitably hurts his friends again. All he has is a fancy Amazon Alexa that looks like Keanu Reeves and a brain that is a field day for his therapist.  
Said Keanu Reeves just kept standing. Silently. "I don't like Michael ..." Obviously. "But he deserves to know if his ... friend is okay." Jeremy would have been more impressed if he hated himself less. This was one of the few times Squip actually acknowledged Michael being a a good friend to him.

  
He breathed for a few more moments, trying to focus on how he was losing hearing from the numbness. It was far more pleasant than having to think clearly enough to say something.

  
Minutes must have passed. Another class must have ended because of how much his phone kept buzzing. Squip was starting to shift uncomfortably; they really weren't acclimated to cold weather. Most two year olds weren't.

  
They stepped forward, but Jeremy could barely hear at this point. He just felt the vibrations. Squip could be walking closer, or going home to tell Mr Heere that his son was slowly dying. He didn't know. He felt his eyes watering up. He just didn't want this anymore, he doesn't wasnt this life, he didn't ask to be such a piece of shit, or for his life to always go to hell.

  
He could hear a faint, "Jeremy-", but he cut it off.

  
"Michael doesn't want to that I'm not." He was glad his hands were covering his eyes, because he felt like falling apart at any second. It hurt, it hurt, it hurts. He just wanted to _go away_ , it just hurts so _fucking_  much. His ears were ringing, he was cold, he could feel his chest heaving. He just wanted _out_.

  
Suddenly, he was being forced upright. He didn't know what was happening, he just kept his eyes clothes because he didn't want to be mocked for crying. He hated crying, he hated anxiety, he hated how everything just made him spiral even further. He didn't want to be mocked or blamed anymore. He just wanted to be cool, cared about, maybe just liked for once.

  
He didn't even realize what was going on, but suddenly he was starting to actually feel again. He felt like he was being crushed, everything was so tight, and he didn't know why. He didn't want to open his eyes ever again. Not until he realized why everything was so crushing.

  
"...Squip?" He tried.

  
"I'm not good at human emotions," they said. "And I may no longer be inside your brain, but whatever you are thinking is wrong, Jeremy."

  
He was suddenly so exhausted, he just wanted to go home. "What?" He finally opened his eyes, to see his two year old Keanu Reeves was _hugging_ him? The germophobic, rude asshole who hated him, and said he needed better parents, hugging him? "What are you doing?"

  
"You fixed a lot for me. I know you aren't taking your meds. Something is wrong, but so are you."

  
"You're always so inspirational, jackass."

  
They leaned back to give Jeremy space. "That's not what I meant. You're out here freezing yourself to death for some reason. Whatever reason is probably stupid. You're wrong, Michael actually ... _likes_ you, as gross as he is." Jeremy almost laughed at that. "Jeremy, do you ever think about the fact that I am even alive because of you?"

  
"What, because of my shitty Crystal Pepsi choice?"

  
"Jeremy. If you hadn't forced me to go outside and talk to people every day, or take me camping, I would have died. I would have starved, or gone insane as soon as I realized I was human if you weren't there." He started to feel sick, maybe shocked. "I'm not just going to let you die in the snow when you were the first person who tried to help me without gain."

  
Jeremy was stunned, for the moment. "Did you accidentally get the sentimental dad part of Keanu Reeves too?" He asked.

  
Squip waited, and had an almost real smile. "No, but I can see how dead I would be if Christine found out I left you out here in the snow, even without a quantum processor."

  
Jeremy started laughing, "she's the sweetest kid in school! How are you still scared of her!"

  
"She could kill me before Michael could even figure out how."

  
Jeremy sat there another moment, happy that he was finally brought a step outside of his thoughts. "Can we just go home now?"

  
"If you tell Mr Heere how you got hypothermia."

  
"Only if you stop stealing my shit in Minecraft."

  
"... Deal."

  
And once again, they were off.

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't squipemy plz dont read it as such or I will be angey n sad


End file.
